


This Light is Suffocating

by Ravenwhite89



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Depression, Emo, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Force-Sensitive Hux, Kylux - Freeform, M/M, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, hux finds the force
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-02-17
Packaged: 2018-05-16 12:28:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,885
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5829007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ravenwhite89/pseuds/Ravenwhite89
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kylux trash from here on out. there is fluff and maybe smut later idk yet. emo space knight and general ginger. the general and phasma are bros yo :P will be very dark at points. is going to be a long one guys are you ready? leave notes if you'd like :) still a work in progress!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one

“It’s so loud” Kylo thought to himself as he continued to try and meditate. He sat alone on the floor, in the dark of his quarters on the star destroyer he had come to know as his current home. Even trapped in this dark he was filled with a blinding vision of light. The air was full of a static sound brushing all around him. He continued to focus, pulling from the dark around him, try and try as he might the dark kept fading out as the light continued to pull in closer to him. There was just this Pain. Physical and mental torment. Suffering clawing at him. The light surrounding him felt like a crushing wave. He needs this to end, all of it to stop. The world around him is coming crashing down so fast. He feels like clawing at his eyes, the light is blinding and burning. Piercing his every fiber.

“There is no escaping it” he says to himself.

In vain he screams out drawing all his anger and rage to disperse this from him. Jolting up to stand in a fit of rage he swings his arms up clutching his head crying up in an agonizing scream of pain before collapsing back down to his knees. His hands fall to the ground to brace himself as he begins to pant. The light had begun to fade as he starts to catch his breath. Darkness was crawling back to him, the room was the empty void he wanted…he needed it to be. His mind, slipping out of focus. The feeling of losing consciousness starts to creep upon him as he feels a few warm droplets fall down his cheek.

“Why?” says a soft tone, it brought him back to focus. His eyes blinked, as he flicks his hair from his face when he throws his head up and toward the sound. 

“Hux…” He answered while on the edge of consciousness breathing deeply. Standing in the now open doorway of Kylo’s room was Hux. He was staring at Kylo’s slumped form in the dark, the only light shown into the room from behind the General. It was late, Hux had just gotten off of his shift as he felt a static buzzing around him. He knows all too well that it was Kylo. He followed in the direction of the buzzing to find Kylo like a shattered animal on his floor like this.  
The lights from the hall were dim due to the late hour but it seemed blinding to Kylo. “Shut the door damn it” he scoffed at Hux.

“What the hell Kylo!?” Hux snaps back at him and walks into the room. Forgetting to close the door behind him he stops over to the defeated looking Ren. Ren sits up and swings his hand at the door using the force to slam it closed. It startled the General, he hoped Kylo didn’t notice as he flinched, it was dark as space now anyway. Ren stood up and faced Hux, Neither man could see the other but they could feel each other standing so close now.

“Ren turn on the light I can’t see.” He barked into the darkness. Hux heard a Pftt and didn’t need the light on to know the Kylo was making a scowl at him.  
Hux turns away and stumbles to find the light panel on the wall. His gloved hand makes contact with the control panel and it flickers on. He turns to find Kylo with his back turned to him, his hands raised to his face and breathing normally again.

“Alright Kylo what is wrong? I could feel you all the way on the other side of the ship.” He says with a concerned tone. He stands there waiting for a response, any response; but Kylo just stands there breathing into his palms.

He inches closer to him and reaches out his hands, “come on Kylo say something. Let me help…” 

“NO!” Kylo swings around and swats his hand away. Its then that Hux sees his face clearly now. The wound across his cheek had fully healed now but did leave a scar of his defeat, but that’s not what he was concerned with right now. Streams of tears were rolling down his flushed pale face. Not a   
sound escaped but Hux could tell he wanted to let something escape his lips.

Moving closer to Kylo, Hux reached for his trembling hands and grasped them tightly. The tears stop as their eyes meet. No verbal words are spoken but Hux can hear him, Kylo is reaching out to his thoughts. Perhaps in an attempt to not let another scream escape him, his lips were shaking. “I can’t stop it Hux. It won’t stop. I have done everything to make it leave me. It keeps coming back…I’m being torn apart all over again…” Hux draws him in closer to himself and Kylo falls into his arms, barely standing at this point.

“I can’t begin to understand what it is you are feeling Kylo, but I will try.” At this point Kylo breaks down again and collapses to the ground, dragging Hux with him.

At this moment Hux just holds him in a tight embrace as the crying Kylo buries his face into. Hux’s chest. He can feel the muffled screams vibrate through his chest. Hux feels a sensation flood into him now, a surge of energy begins to consume him as he gasps for a breath. It feels like he was just punched in the chest as he gasps again and again. This energy begins to weigh down on him and the light around him starts to brighten. He has to close his eyes, but it doesn’t help. Hux shoves his face down into Kylo’s disheveled black hair and tries to speak. 

“Kylo…is…this…the light side?” He has never felt this kind of pressure before and it just becomes all too much for the General as he starts to choke his words out.

“Please.” Escapes in a gasp for air and suddenly the pressure is gone and Kylo sinks lower into his arms.

Catching his breath he yanks Kylo upwards as he rises from the ground, beginning to shake Kylo to try and snap him out of this trance he has begun to plunge into again. “Kylo!” he yells. He looks up to the worried General as he comes to again. Not a word is said for what feels like an hour. Kylo is able to straighten up and pushes away from Hux, he gathers enough strength to walk to the bed before collapsing into the sheets. He turns to lay on his back and motions for Hux to come over, without any hesitation he joins him.

“Thank you,” Ren murmurs, and his voice is shaking, For once, Hux doesn’t have a response and he just takes off his coat and gloves. Hux crawls under the sheets and wraps them around the both of them. He sits there searching his mind for words but it is all a jumble to him right now.  
Hux speaks softly as the words find his lips, placing a hand to gently caress Rens face. “Was that it?”  
Peering up to meet Hux’s eyes he just manages to utter the word “yes”. Ren pulls closer to the soft hand on his face.

“Do you feel that all the time?” Hux asks hoping the answer he gets will be no, but he already knows it won’t be.

His eyes shut and Kylo breathes quietly. “You only felt a fraction of it Hux. I was trying to not overwhelm you but I guess I couldn’t hold on to it enough…I’m…”

Hux places his other hand to Rens mouth and hushes him gently before he could finish. Hux doesn’t speak but Ren knows what he was about to say. He nods to the General in his bed and Ren flips over and away from Hux while waving his hand to shut the main light off and clicks on the bathrooms. He looks at Ren in the faint glow emanating from the bathroom light, he looks almost peaceful but he can tell that this is far from over.


	2. Chapter two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> let's take a look at General Gingers day on the star destroyer! have fun!

Morning comes and Hux wakes to find himself alone in Ren’s room. He scurries out of the bed, straightens up his wrinkled attire and throws on his coat as he rushes out the door. He walks at a fast rate to his room, he needs a quick shower and change before he can feel presentable to his officers on the bridge. 

“Damn it” cursing himself, he had forgotten his gloves in Ren’s room. It is too late to go back for them now he thought as he reached his room. He pulls off his clothes in a rush and throws them in the general direction of the laundry bin as he stumbles into the shower. Turning it on as he steps in, the water was as cold as ice as it hit his body. He shivers through the cold as it begins to warm, he washes up faster than normal and slips as he steps out of the shower. He lands ass first on the cold metal floor of his washroom. “That’ll leave a mark for sure” he thought as he bit his lip. Standing up he throws a towel around himself and starts his daily grooming a bit slower now. 

He can’t help but wonder where Ren had gone to so early and why he would not have woken him up. “Did he have somewhere to be that I didn’t know of?” 

As he finished getting ready for his daily shift on the bridge of the star destroyer he felt a buzzing around him again. This time it was very faint, just like if it was a bug fluttering around his head. Hux may not be very sensitive to the Force but Kylo always emanated his power to him, either knowingly or not. They had developed a deep connection over the few years they have had together. It was clumsy and angry at first, and it still was at times but they have at least grown to know what the other was actually trying to say when they were either smashing things to pieces or threatening one another.   
“Ren?” He tries to focus the name in his mind, maybe it would reach him. No response yet. 

About to put his hat on to leave his quarters and he felt a quick sting in his left forearm, he dropped his hat and jolted his arm up abruptly. He rolls up sleeve and examines the spot he felt the pain, nothing appears to be there so he fixes his shirt. Hux grabs hit hat from the ground, brushing it off slightly as he exits the room. Slightly perturbed at the thought that Kylo had Force pinched him he continues on down the long hall towards the bridge. Standing at the main console is the captain. “Sir” the Lieutenant greets the General as he walks in, Hux nods to him and walks over to read the reports. The buzzing continues in his ears, slightly distracted by this he doesn’t notice a bridge officer approach behind him. 

“General I have a few forms for you.” The officer says, seeming to startle the General he apologizes and leaves the important form tablets on the desk for him. Rifling through the paperwork he sees another repair bill. Ren. He had gone and destroyed a training room console.   
“Great, this was done yesterday? How am I only hearing about this now?” he thought to himself as he rubbed his temples. This buzzing was starting to give him a headache. 

The General turns to the head lieutenant and asks “Where is The Knight of Ren stationed today? I have some paperwork for him.” 

The lieutenant walks over to the General and begins to speak. “Sir. I am unaware of where The Knight of Ren is. Sorry Sir he never reported for duty this morning. Shall I send someone to find him?” 

“No lieutenant, it will not be necessary, are we still on schedule to meet Supreme leader Snoke in 3 days?” Hux says as he grabs the tablets with all of the daily forms. 

The Lieutenant replies “Yes Sir, we should be right on schedule. Is there anything else I could do for you now Sir?”

“No, resume your duties. I will take my leave for now. Report back to me if something changes or if Supreme Leader Snoke requests for me.” With that he turned and walked out down the hall. “When we get there I wonder what kind of training Ren will have to do.”

The buzzing now had intensified and Hux began to focus on it more and more. He stopped in the hall just outside the mess hall, “I haven’t eaten today have I?” He thought to himself as his stomach started to growl.

He looked to the mess hall and wondered if he had time to grab something. He decided to run in for a quick bite to take with him on his walk. As he did so he ran right into Captain Phasma, knocking her lunch container from her hands. She juggled it for a moment before Hux grabbed it from the air. “Sir!” she said as she stood to attention. 

“My apologies Captain. I was in a rush.” He said as he tried to move around her. 

“It is alright Sir. I am headed to the bridge Sir. Is there anything I may assist you with?” she said knowing that something was bothering him. Phasma and Hux have learned one anthers subtle traits while working in such tight quarters for all this time. She could tell that something was making the General distant today, but would not bring anything up in such a public space. 

“No, nothing as of now. Carry on Captain, however please report to me if you come across Knight Ren.” He says as he quickly grabs a food bar and leaves the room. 

Captain Phasma lets out a quiet sigh as she watches him leave the room thinking to herself. “Well he doesn’t look so good. What is Ren doing to him?” 

Walking briskly down the hall towards the med bay, Hux notices the buzzing had stopped in a quick instance. “That’s odd.” He thought back to last night, how damaged Kylo was and it was bothering him. He almost never sees him in that kind of state, Kylo is usually so strong and stubborn. For him to truly collapse under this meant it was serious. Those tears. Kylo’s face streaming with tears, flushing his normally pale face with color bothered him. 

“This cannot affect my job. No one knows of us and I will not let this interfere with my duties.” He tries to tell himself, to be reassuring that Kylo is fine. 

He straightens himself up, smoothing out any wrinkles in his great coat and walks into the med bay. Once inside he tells the medical droid to give him some pain killers for his head, that buzzing had really bothered his head and he definitely needed something to make it stop. The droid did a quick check over the General as routine before giving him a bottle. Hux grabs a glass of water and takes a few of the small pills, he ate his food bar fast; then shoved the bottle into his coat pocket and proceeds to leave the bay. 

Still holding onto the tablets the officer had given to him earlier today, Hux started to review the files again closer this time now that he can actually pay attention properly. He comes to a file that was in action at this moment, apparently Ren was supposed to take a group of troopers out to capture a few rebels hiding in a small asteroid field in the nearby system. He never showed up so another high rank officer had taken the mission.

He found himself to his office and continued his day. As the day goes on, Hux finds himself in his normal routine. Signing paperwork, yelling at incompetent troops, and making his head hurt worse. He needed to take a few more of the painkillers from this morning and shortly after doing so became ill. He ran to the toilet where he dropped to the ground and threw up the painkillers with all the bile in his stomach. 

“Great…just great.” he grumbled to himself. Feeling weak now, he tried to stand and just found himself flopping over and sitting down on the ground. “I really need some food.” It is already past his normal time for his 2nd meal, all he has eaten to day was the food bar in the med bay. Hux found himself the strength to stand and wobble back to his desk, it felt like a mile to him. He sat flopped back down in his chair and pressed the communication panel. 

Click "Sir what can I assist you with?" Comes over the channel.   
"Send in a droid with something for me to eat. That is all." Click. He says and sinks into his chair. 

The door of Hux’s office slides open as a small droid rolls in with a tray of food. The droid places it on his desk and with a few beeps it rolls back out the door as it shuts behind it. Taking the tray closer to him he began to eat. The food hitting his empty stomach at first made him queasy again but it settled swiftly. Starting to feel better now, Hux finishes the few last reports of the day and decided to end his shift early, the officers can come find him if they need him but he needs some time to himself. The buzzing came back at this point. He stands from his chair, smoothing out his uniform and cleaning up his desk of any debris. The General felt a sting in his arm again at that moment, however it was now larger and felt as if it was throbbing. Hux tried to not squint from the pain and stood from the desk swaying his arm out in an attempt to make it stop. 

Click “Yes Sir?” the communication panel sounds.

“Please send in a cleaning droid. I want my office fully done now. I am leaving for the day, if I am needed send for me.” Click. He puts his hat on and leaves his office. 

Walking down the halls of his ship, hands crossed behind his back and head held up high. Hux keeps wondering what Ren is doing and why he is avoiding his responsibilities “Hopefully he isn’t destroying anything today…” Hux thought to himself. 

The buzzing still in his head getting louder and louder now. He decides to follow the buzzing now and as he does he feels a terrible pain once more piercing through his forearm, this time it was much more of a true pain. Grasping his arm quickly in a wince of pain. “What is this?” he thinks to himself as he tries to brush it off. 

Closer and closer to the gym he walks as the buzzing starts to make it feel like there is static in the air. His hair on end as he tries to shake it off unsuccessfully. His arm begins to pulse at the location he has been feeling hurt him throughout the day. As he reached the doors to the gym’s training room he feels almost charged the energy in the air. He accesses the control panel and realizes that it had been locked, but not to him. The door slides open and the General walks inside the dark room, it feels heavy; claustrophobic. There are very faint warm looking red and orange streaks running across the walls, the floor but he cannot tell what these things were he only know what caused them.

“Don’t hate me…” a brief quiet whisper is said to Hux from the room. He cannot see Ren, but he can feel him.


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey it's Space Emos day! enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI I am a follower of the IRL Jedi faith. don't hate haters... the necklace is inspired from my own Force meditation necklace that I designed myself to represent the force and the beliefs of the Jedi religion, each bead has a meaning. I carved it out of tiger's eye and strung together myself. if you want to know more about it or about the Jedi Faith ask me, only real questions please i will not read them if they are hateful thank you and may the force be with you.

Kylo woke very early, if he had really slept any tonight anyway. Cold sweat encased him as he recalled the nightmares he was having. He turned and saw Hux, quietly sleeping away the night next to him. Kylo laid there trying not to move, for fear of disturbing this sleeping ginger in his bed. Trying to not relive the nightmares that have been plaguing him since the destruction of the StarKiller base. The light was there now. A faint glow in the distance. Burning, there is a burning in his abdomen as he silently sits up from the bed. As he moves it becomes less sharp of a pain, he carefully pulls the sheets up and puts them closer to Hux. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, the burning disperses entirely as he stands from the bed. 

Walking through the dark room he picks up his cowl, cloak, mask and boots. Reaching the door, he throws on his cowl and cloak. Snaps his helmet into place and lifts his hands towards the sleeping Hux. With a gentle motion of the Force he turn the ginger to face the other side of the room while tucking the sheets around him. Hux, doesn’t seem to notice and simply readjusts to his new direction towards the wall. Kylo opens the door and quickly walks out as it shuts behind him. He drops his boots on the ground outside and slips into them. It was still dim in the hall at this hour, but he could feel it again around him. Trying to encase him. Trying to blind him, but thankfully it was just out of sight for now. 

“3 days… going back to my master to complete my training…what else must I do? What else do I have to do to prove myself?” Ren thought to himself as he stood in the hallway. He lets out a small sigh and tries to shake this sensation from him. 

He continues on down the hall, making his way to the gym. Perhaps some time in the training room will do him some good. Once he reaches the training room he orders all troops out and locks the door behind him. He could not have these idiots running about the area if he was going to try and meditate. The only thing that he misses from the Star Killer base is that he had a specially designed room in an isolated section of the base reserved just for him to focus on the darkness. 

Ren moves to the far end of the room, removes his heavy attire and mask; placing them in a pile a few feet from him. He takes a clean mat from the bin and lays it down before him, sitting down he begins to set himself up for this session. He reaches for a pouch he has on the back of his belt and unclasps it, a string of beads is lifted out of it as he grasps them between his hands. This is the only thing that he owns that is from his life as a solo, his training to be a Jedi. Each bead heavy and colorful, made of stone. Shimmering and dense, he remembers selecting each stone and carving them to fit the string he fashioned together to make this. No one knows he still has this, not even his master. He has meticulously hid these from his mind anytime he is interacting with his master or any of The Knights of Ren. These beads were made by him, for him to focus on The Force; although it is not the same side that he is concentrating on now. 

He reaches out to the light panel through the force and turns each off around him one by one, starting at the door. He also locks the control entrance panel from the inside, now only he and Hux will be able to access the door. Thinking that Hux is too busy anyway to come to the gym now anyway. It’s always a good idea to just have it open for him so he doesn’t start on a rant. 

He takes the necklace of blues, golds and reds in his hands and loosens his grip so that they hang around his palms. Closing his eyes he begins to concentrate on his hate, his passion, the darkness around him. 

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength.  
Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.”  
With each line of the Sith code passing through his mind a soft clack is heard when his fingers roll through the beads one by one. “Peace is a lie, there is only passion.” Clack 

“Through passion, I gain strength.” Clack. He continues drawing on the anger inside himself. 

“Through strength, I gain power.” Clack. Becoming a hypnotizing chant in his mind. 

“. Through victory, my chains are broken.” Clack. Drawing on the constant sound to keep him in order. 

“The Force shall free me” Clack. Razor sharp pain filled his senses in a flush of red. Biting his lip, a light flickered on in a flash and burst overhead. 

Chewing on his lip he tries to push through the rush of red he is experiencing. Another comes on in a dazzling glow and shatters. He continues to chant. Enduring through the sensations around him he places his beads down across his legs briefly to dig his nails into his left forearm, leaving bright red trails streaking across it. Inhaling deep he make the stinging pain stay there. He lifts his beads from his lap he focusing his pain into the beads and into the Force.  
As the time passes by him. Minutes. Hours. He can hear the crackle of glass falling around him like snow. Trying to ignore the rush of red dancing around him he continues to chant to himself. An agonizing heat pushes through him. The sensation of being fire. Suddenly all the air rushed out of his lungs and he tumbles to the floor. Ren groaned, trying desperately to breathe again and in all the red twirling around him he recognized one form…one person… “Father” losing his focus now. The light starts to meld into the red. 

“I CAN’T!” He losses grip on his necklace as it clatters to the floor. 

His body went icy cold around the burning in his abdomen and chest. Such a bewildering sensation. Color swirling around him as he forces all of his anger outward demanding the Force to purge these memories. These thoughts. He saw that girl again. In his mind he saw his father die, over and over again. Each time he wanted to take it back. If only he could take it back. “NO I CAN”T! IT”S TOO LATE FOR ME!” He screams upward. 

Darkness radiates from his screams. He wants the darkness consume him. To destroy him. To destroy this suffering. To destroy himself. A bright white surging through the colors begins to pull towards him. As it is about to reach him Ren reacts, grabbing a small blade from his belt and stabbing it straight into left forearm. He cringes through the pain and uses it to fight back the light with his pain. 

He exhales gritting his teeth. “It’s still here… every time I try to meditate on the darkness it keeps finding me…” He thinks to himself. 

The sensation of the warm blood starts to drip from around the blade. He pulls it away and slams his hand with it to the ground. It drips and began to soak through his sleeve. He draws on the pain to keep himself in check. With this he is able to focus again on the black room. He breathes deeply and can feel the dark side answer to him. The trickle down his arm is a reminder of his strength to overcome anything. 

He once again grasps his beads. For Kylo, this passion is as close to a sense of peace that he can find. After a while he notices that the drips were starting to diminish, the white was creeping back into his vision. He grabs his blade once more and with a swift thrust drives it into his arm with no hesitation, deeper this time and leaves it there for now. Deriving his focus from this now throbbing pain. His body is cold. The burning from his abdomen has left him now. He was left to feel the emptiness now. 

Blood starts to escape from around the wound again and Kylo breaks his meditation. When his concentration is broken he finds himself with the heat of the light warming him. “NO MORE!” he curses the light as he stands igniting his light saber. He starts violently swinging his blade, not as a tantrum as others see but as a way to use his rage to his advantage. Slashing and smashing the walls, floor and any equipment within his reach. Leaving glowing streaks of red in its wake. The rest of the lights in the room flicker on and shatter around him like a snowstorm. Now panting and surging with energy he pulls the blade free from his arm and tosses it in the direction of the mat. As he does this blood rushes faster pooling on the ground next to him. The cold comes flooding back to him and he is silent and still. Only his heavy breathing remains with the sounds of dripping to comfort him. His body starts to shiver, and he can feel his heart calming. 

Trying to fight the frigid shudders rising up his body, the only warmth now is what is fleeing his arm to the floor. Lightsaber flashes off and he clips it to his belt before dropping down to his knees. Throwing his head back he summons the force to drag his beads across the floor to him, they trailed through the red puddle under him before reaching his hands. “Can I ever truly escape this?” He wonders. There is too much still running from him. “Is it better if I just let the light take me now? I can’t keep fighting this… would it even accept me? I am too lost now…”

He whispers aloud “Maybe I should…” Through the darkness a light appears, but not the one he has been running from. “Hux” he knows he is the one standing in the now open doorway. 

His vision blurs. “Maybe it’s for the best…” 

He tells himself as he grins to the shadow of Hux “I’m sorry…” whispering to him “Don’t hate me…” as he begins to collapse; losing sight of Hux and fades into a darkness he is not familiar with.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well what happened to Kylo? here it is!

Hearing what sounds like a heavy clutter of clothes and more fall to the ground Hux cannot feel Ren anymore.   
“REN?!” He yells as he runs into the darkened room. 

“Ren! Where are you?” He continues to yell out fumbling around looking for a light panel that is still functioning. 

Click, a small row of dim lights from the far corner activate and he can now see the withered from of Ren laying on the ground “Kylo?...” he says faintly now inching closer. 

“Oh…blood?... IS THAT BLOOD? Not again!” Hux quivers at the thought and doesn’t hesitate to hit the emergency switch on the panel near him. 

He rushes to Ren collapsing to the ground, trying to keep himself composed. Pulling Ren up to him he begins frantically looking for the wounds to try and stop the bleeding. At this moment droids and medical personnel come rushing in with med kits. Before they reach them Hux notices the wound on his arm and takes his belt off and swiftly fastens it around Rens arm to try and stop the blood loss. As he does the Staff start to set up around them, Hux notices something shimmering from his hand and quickly takes it from Ren tossing it into his pants pocket. 

“What happened here General?” The Staff asks

“I don’t know but you better work quickly! You wouldn’t want to answer to the Supreme leader for losing his most valuable Knight would you?” He barks at the staff.

“Sir no Sir right away Sir. Get The Knight of Ren to the critical care unit now!” The lead med staff says turning to the others in an attempt to get them to move faster. 

“And do not make up a report about this and do not disclose any information of this incident to anyone. I will handle this.” He demands as he straightens up, he tried to clean himself up as best as he can but he realizes that nothing was going to help, Rens blood had seeped into his uniform in large dark red splotches. 

The General makes his leave as they staff rush Ren out of the room. Hux tries to hide his worried strides down the hall as he heads towards his quarters. Head held up high, back straight and arms folded behind his back. He makes his way to his room, once inside he closes the door and exhales so much he feels faint. 

Heaving his coat to the floor he hits the communication panel. “Sir?”

“Is Captain Phasma on the bridge?” he asks

“Yes sir one moment while I transfer you to her com.” The officer says.

“Sir” Captain Phasma responds.

“Meet me in my quarters I have a few things that I need to discuss with you.” He says disconnecting the com. 

Turning around he leans up against the wall. Once he hears it click off he slides down the wall, running his hands up and through his tousled hair. When he lands on the ground he breathes intensely trying to keep his self-control in check. He sits in his room staring up at the ceiling until his trance is broken by someone at the door asking for access. 

“Come in Captain.” He says as the door opens. He begins to stand as she walks inside, door sliding closed behind her. 

“Sir?” She says once she sees the General rising from the ground. 

“Take off your helmet, you know you don’t need that in here.” He snaps. 

“Hux what the hell happened to you? Are you alright?” she says unclasping her helmet from the rest of her gear. 

She tosses her helmet to the ground saying “You’re bleeding? We need to get you…” 

Hux interrupts her “It’s not mine. I’m fine.” Pulling off his outer uniform shirt he turns from her. 

“Ren?” She tilts her head as she asks him softly. 

Hux sighs holding his blood soaked shirt. “Yes.”

He turns to face her. “I’m not sure what happened but I know it wasn’t good. From the looks of it he did this to himself on purpose, probably having to do with that Force magic of his.” 

He walks over to his washroom. He looks in the mirror as Phasma walks further into the room to sit down at his table. Leaning over the sink he turns on the water. He grabs a cloth, soaks it with water and soap and begins to wipe away any of the blood that smeared on his arms. He noticed that there was some blood on his white undershirt. 

Phasma, now leaning back in the chair tilts her head back and turns to him. “Will he live?” 

“I…” He pauses, unsure of what to say. 

“He was so ghostly white.” He thinks as he pulls off his soiled shirt. 

“There was a lot of blood. I’m not sure.” Tossing his undershirt to the basket. 

He scoffs “Stupid man” 

“You both are” Phasma snips at him. 

Hux turns and snarls at her. “What does that mean?”

Standing from the chair “You know exactly what I mean Hux.” She crosses her arms glowering at him. 

He finishes up cleaning all the blood off himself and walks over to his closet, pulling out a new crisp white shirt. Pulling it on he looks down and sees that he forgot about his pants. He turns again away from Phasma and reaches for his pockets. He pulls out the thing he took from Kylo, finally getting a chance to actually look at it now. He raises it to the light, it’s covered in drying blood. He sets it down on the end table near him and proceeds to take off his trousers. 

Phasma averts her gaze out of respect and speaks again, this time with more of a gentle and soft tone. “Well Hux, you should go to him.”

“I will” responding quietly, he pulls on a new pair of trousers and reaches for a clean uniform top. 

Phasma turns back to him as he is fastening all the little buttons and fixing the collar. “What’s that thing on the end table?” 

“I’m not too sure, it was in Kylo’s hand, must be important to him, he was clutching it so tight. I’m going to go clean it up before I go see him.” 

“Here give it to me, you finish dressing.” She says walking over and taking it from him. 

Hux can hear the water running from behind him as he wipes off his boots, smooths out any wrinkles and picks up his great coat from the floor. Phasma emerges from the washroom with the trinket, in a drying cloth. 

She hands it to him and takes his coat. “Give me that. Don’t be an idiot you’re gonna get blood on these clothes too.” 

Hux snorts and looks at the clean trinket “It’s actually kind of beautiful Phasma. It’s some kind of jewelry.” 

“Jewelry? Since when does Ren wear anything besides black and scary” she lets a small giggle out. 

“Don’t let anyone know about this, ok?” He says.

“HA who am I going to tell? I live with a bunch of useless idiots.” She laughs out loud. 

Hux raises an eyebrow in a perturbed fashion.

“Sorry but you know it’s true.” She says. “I’ll bring this down to the laundry, maybe they can save it if the blood doesn’t dry.” She says waving the coat around. 

“Thanks. I’m going to go check on Kylo.” He stuffs the necklace into his pocket again and they both head for the door. 

Phasma picks up her helmet and reconnects it as she opens the door. As they exit they both nod to one another and part ways. Feeling small without his coat Hux tries to make himself look taller and more intimidating as he briskly walks to the medical bay. Hiding his fears from everyone onboard. Again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phasma's a bro yo :P


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo you are so cute and sad! <3 Poor little Force baby. Hux you are a stubborn dick but we love you.

The sounds of beeps, the drip of IV fluids and the faint sounds of breathing is all he can hear. Standing in the doorway, Hux exhales a small sigh of relief to see him still alive. The General straightens up and walks into the room towards the doctors tending to Kylo Ren. They had separated him into his own isolated room, for his safety but more for everyone else’s. An unconscious Force user can be hazardous once woken, they had set restraints on the bed to try and curb any unwanted damage.

Forcing a stern look and speaking as professionally as possible The General asks “Update me on the Knight of Ren’s Status. What happened? Has he regained consciousness at all yet?”

“Sir. We believe we got to him just at the last moment, however he has not woken at this time. We are still unaware of why these injuries were made but they do look self-inflicted.” The Doctor responds.

“Do you have a time frame doctor?” he probes the doctor for hope.

The Doctor looks at Rens chart “Sir. He has lost a lot of blood. We are currently replacing it. We are not sure of when or if…”

Hux cuts off the Doctor mid-sentence. “If what? That is not an answer! The Supreme Leader will not accept an answer like that!” He snaps at the doctor with great authority.

“Sir. No Sir. My apologies Sir.” He responds to the General in fear.

“Tell me of his condition as of now. Has there been any improvements yet?” He again probes the doctor for the answers he needs to hear.

Eyeing the chart over quickly the doctor walks over to the side of Rens bed, checking his vitals and fluids. “Well General it appears that his vitals have improved slightly and his blood levels are starting to come back. He also appears to be experiencing some sort of dream state now, which is a good sign.”

Hux holds in his relief and forces it back down. Walking over to the bed he speaks again. “Good. Have you written a report yet?

“No Sir.” He responds

“Thank you Doctor I will handle the paperwork. Does he need anything else right now?” Hux says with hope just at the edge of his voice.

“No Sir. We will check on him again in an hour.” He answers setting down the chart.

“Good. That will be all Doctor.” Hux declares, the doctor and staff leave the room.

When the room is cleared and the door closes behind him Hux lets out a long kept sigh. Still feeling more anxiety than he would like Hux pulls up a chair next to Rens bed and leans it against the wall. He stretches his arms up and out before sitting down. Crossing his legs he reaches over for Rens chart. Intensely looking through all the notes, thinking to himself _"You stupid, self-loathing, and useless, destructive man. When you wake up I'm going to break you again. I hate y..."_ Hux notices out of the corner of his eye some slight movement coming from Ren. Chewing on his lip Hux looks at the injured Ren, he can see that Rens face is starting to cringe under the respirator mask; his eyes although shut appear to be fluttering around.

 “Ren?” Hux puts the charts down and leans in closer to Ren and speaks softly. “Ren?” With hesitation in his voice, Hux repeats Rens name again.

He continues appear like he is struggling under the mask, be it the physical pain or whatever he is seeing in his mind now. Hux stands from his chair and looks Ren over, he has so many wires and IV’s in him. Rens left arm is bound in white bandages, he can see the deep red through all the layers. He could feel a dim hum around Ren now. It felt as though he was trying to reach him, Hux could feel emotions filtering through this. " _Loneliness?"_ He thought as he reached for Rens hand. He grasps Rens hand tightly, as he does he is flooded with energy and flashes of light and color, memories? He lets go of his hand out of shock and gasps. Hux realizes that Ren is in there and he is trying to climb back out.

Ren had been trying to show Hux the power of the Force in the past year, but Hux could never really understand it; it was so foreign to him. He could tell when Ren was thinking about him or riffling around his mind without permission but he just couldn't grasp how such a thing worked. He is able to control his thoughts, but he was already in control of himself to begin with. He could focus enough to yell at Ren without speaking or could sense Ren's emotional state. For him, before Ren the universe was in black and white. There needed to be an order to things and he wanted to be the one in charge of it. The only time Hux felt this cult magic was with him. Ren was always emotional and wild, unlike himself; Hux strove for perfection and greatness. Hux grew up in the military because of his father, all he knew was structure.  Perhaps Ren was like this because of where he had come from, maybe it was the force that made him so out of control. It was both confusing and exciting to Hux to have this type of chaos around him.

Suddenly Rens breathing became erratic, and he started to kick and fight the bonds on the bed. Hux's reaction was to grab him, as soon as he touched Ren he was surrounded by snow. Hux felt frozen to the bone, lost and confused with the sights around him. Fiery sounds clashed around him "I'm on Starkiller base?!" He exclaimed as he saw flashes of blue and red. " _Ren is reliving this day?"_ He thought to himself as he darted off in the direction of the colors.

He comes to find Ren, seeming to lose the will to fight back anymore against the scavenger girl. Getting pushed back, being struck, staggering around and defeated. Ren collapses to the ground panting and reeling in pain. He lay in the snow like an empty and broken thing, tossed aside. He approaches the destroyed man before him, “Ren?”

“Brendol… I can’t…I failed again…” Ren says, seemingly consumed by the snow falling around him.

Hux’s knees land in the soft snow and leans over the broken Knight. “Kylo this isn’t real. I don’t know how but I’m here. You need to get up. Now.”

“I killed him. Han Solo. My father. I killed him.” As those words left Rens lips the world around them crashed into a whirlwind of red and black.

The snow fell away and the plunged into the belly of the base. As they found ground in the base Hux stood there behind him. Before Ren stood Han Solo, and before a word could be uttered a brilliant flash of red burst through the horrified man. In that instance Hux could feel the regret flooding from Ren. There was just too much, it was too overwhelming for both men at this point. Hux is not accustom to these emotions and Ren was staggering in a trance of terror from what he had done. Hux lurched forward to grab Ren, turning him around to see his face. Looking into Ren’s eyes he could see the words tearing through him.

“I’m being torn apart Brendol.” He says to his General.

Hux has no response except to slap Ren across the face with all his might. “Snap out of it Kylo! It’s already done. Stop doing this to yourself.” He demands.

“The Supreme leader told me…he told me that if I did this…if I killed my father that it would drive the last of the light from me. It hasn’t. Why hasn’t it? Why?! What am I missing?!” Each word he spoke becoming filled with more rage.

“Kylo let’s discuss this later. We have more problems to deal with right now. You are in the medical bay right now. Somehow you managed to drag me into this fire storm of yours when you started to convulse in bed.” He says taking Ren by the shoulders and trying to get him to focus.

 “Do you remember what happened today? Why did you stab yourself repeatedly? Think Kylo.” He says trying to gain Rens attention. Hux reaches for his pocket, and pulls out the strand of beads. In that moment Ren’s eyes focus and gaze at the necklace.

“My… my prayer beads… how?” Ren says in a softer voice glancing back up to Hux.

“Kylo I found you bloodied on the floor clutching these. What happened?” Hux says as he takes Rens hands, placing the stones in them.

“I…was…I was in the training room.” he says as he began to realize what was happening.

“Good Kylo. Focus. Tell me what happened in the training room.” Hux says in a gentle voice.

Kylo snaps back to reality and the Force dream around them collapses into darkness. Hux feels himself slip and begin to fall as Kylo grabs his hand. Hux almost falls to the ground in the medical bay as he breaks out of the dream state, Ren surges up as far as his restraints will allow and cries out in a wail of pain. Hux hurries himself to his feet and rushes to unbind Ren as he thrashes uncontrollably against the bonds. Hux forces himself against Ren’s body trying to hold him down as he is unable to release the bonds with Ren in this kind of state. Medical equipment all around the room starts to explode and fly from their places.

“Ren! Stop! It’s ok. I’m here.” Hux yells.

Hux can’t seem to make him calm down so he knocks the mask from Ren’s face grasping his face tightly in his hands and call his name again. “Kylo” without hesitation Hux presses his lips to Ren’s in a strange force of flowing emotion he isn’t familiar with. Kissing him deeply, Ren comes to and as Hux pulls away.

 Ren whispers panting. “Hux?”

“Yes you idiot.” He smirks, moving in for another passionate kiss. “I hate you.”

“I know.” Ren says smiling.


	6. Chapter six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not done yet, but I just want to see what's going on so far!

As a day goes by after Kylo’s injury, he regains enough strength to dress himself and walk out of the medical bay. The doctors advise that he stay in bed to be monitored but they already know that their suggestions are in vain. Ren pushes past the medical staff and leaves to go back to his own quarters. 

Storming down the hall he starts to focus on Hux. “Where is that stuck up Ginger?” 

Ren finds him through the Force, “he is…sleeping?”

Ren smiles and then stops walking as he realizes where his General is sleeping. Ren continues stomping past troopers as he reaches the room where Hux is, he opens the door and finds the lights off. Sliding in the room almost silently he locks the door, removes his boots and tucks them next to the closet. He reaches for his cloaks clasps making sure as to not move his arm in a way that will reopen the wound, trying so hard to be a silent as possible while unfastening all the bits of his clothing. Making sure each piece doesn’t fall to the ground in a loud thud, he undresses down to just a thin sleeveless grey top and his black undershorts. Stretching his back out, he reaches his arms up before walking towards the bed. He fumbles over a few things that were hiding in the dark on the floor in front of the bed. 

“You should still be in the medical bay Ren.” Comes a very groggy voice from under covers.

“Well you should be in your own quarters, General.” He says with a smirk on his face. 

"I couldn't sleep in my room. It didn't feel right. I'm used to a certain hum in the air now thank you very much Ren." He says as he yawns. 

Ren smiles and lets out a short and small laugh at the idea that Hux has become so accustom to his force prescience around him. Ren never really tried to keep his emotions in check around Hux anymore, it didn't matter Hux always knew what was going on anyway. Hux was starting to pickup on the different in the ripples in the air like that, so it was a good thing. He had also been able to focus enough sometimes to reach out to Ren across the ship, even if it was only one or two words like his name.  
Ren can hear Hux turn over in bed and a welcoming feeling is felt in the room. He pulls back the covers and gently gets into bed next to the weary man. Ren turns to face Hux and runs his fingers through his short fiery hair with a slight grin. 

“Ren, are you going to actually tell me what happened yesterday?” he asks quietly as he reaches for Kylos hand. 

“I failed. Again.” He just barely utters the words and Hux can feel him start to quiver. Ren fights back tears building in his eyes and pulls his hand away from Hux’s hair. 

“What did you fail now? What were you doing that made you almost bleed to…” Hux stops speaking as he now knows what the fearful knight is quivering over. “Kylo…”

“I can hear you still Hux, and no I did not go out of my way to try and end myself yesterday. I had been trying to destroy the light, I just gave up in the end. The light won't fade.” Ren says as he listens to the now very concerned Hux’s thoughts. 

No words are spoken as minutes pass them silently in the darkness. Ren leans in to kiss his worried general on the forehead. Hux jerks up and away from ren, throwing the covers off and kicking his legs off the side of the bed. 

"So. You gave up. Is that right?" Hux says as he clenches his fingers into the bed sheet. 

Kylo sits up and moves closer to Hux, wrapping his long legs around his stressed lover but Hux tries to stand up and away. Ren grabs his shoulders and pulls him back down where here then wraps himself around Hux and he begins to tear up. Ren buries his face in the back of Hux's neck. 

With his arms wrapped around his tearful lover, Ren starts to feel such a great amount of disappointment coming from him. "I'm sorry Brendol."

"Why are you sorry? Are you sorry you failed your little quest for sith power? Are you sorry for hurting me? Or are you sorry you failed to bleed out on the floor like a stubborn wounded animal?" Hux starts to raise his voice out of pure anger. 

"Brendol, you know I didn't want to hurt you." He responded so softly, speaking into Hux's neck. 

"Ben." He snaps

"Don't." Ren quickly retorts back as he lets his grip up from around Hux. 

"Ben. What are you going to do? You already dragged me into your sithy nightmare yesterday. Well?" He taunts him standing up from the bed. 

"Don't call me that." He says in frustration. 

Hux walks to the light panel and turns on just the dim evening light. He crosses his arms and looks are Ren just sitting there, slumped over on the edge of the bed. "Well Ben? I do enjoy calling you that." He thinks to himself. 

"Brendol." Ren pushes off from the bed and walks closer to face the now scowling Hux. 

Hux smirks up at him in the dim glow of light around them. "I didn't even say anything you intrusive man."

"Oh really? You were thinking it so loudly in the Force you were practically saying it out loud." Ren inches closer. Heavy breathing fills the air. Static energy starts flooding the room. Hux has had enough at this point. He quickly grabs Ren by the neck and by his left arm, squeezing the wound tightly. Ren flinches from the sharp pain and in a moment he is spun around by the other man and thrown up against the wall. 

With a growl he snaps at Hux. "Oh so I have really upset you have I?"

Hux digs his strong fingers into the bandaged wound until he can hear a stitch pop. "No." He continues and another snaps, blood beginning to leak through. 

Ren contains a yelp trying to break from his mouth as he makes a cocky grin. "Keep breaking them Hux."


	7. Chapter seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gets smutty here as Hux gets very upset with Ren. :P

Hux rips another stitch and Kylo grits his teeth together. “By the time I’m done with you Ren you will know how I am feeling.”

Hux pulls Kylo from the wall and throws him towards the bed, Ren stumbles and falls to the ground clutching the side of the bed. With a groan he clutches his arm and looks up at his very unpleased Hux. “What do you want from me Brendol?”

“It’s General Hux to you right now, you don’t deserve my sympathy.” He smugly snips back at Ren. Glancing at his hands and notices that there was small drops of blood in between his fingertips. 

“I’m not looking for any!” Ren snarls up at Hux.

“You need to get your emotions under control. I am not going to tolerate this.” He glared back at him, Hux was blocking off his emotions so Kylo could not read him. 

He walks over to the bleeding man and crouches down, aiming his knee to just barely touch Ren in the chest. Breathing deep he reaches his hand and takes hold of Ren’s face, cupping his jawbone in his grasp and pulls him from the floor. Ren stands without a word and just looks into his eyes, they did not match the rest of him. Hux seemed so controlled and strong, except his eyes were giving away his true emotional state. He was concerned but he could not give in and let Ren see him like that, he had to be the stronger one in this relationship.

The two men stood there for a moment, Ren was under his control For now and he wanted to make him understand. Without a second thought Ren grabbed the hand that was clutching his face and pulled himself forward crashing his lips against Hux’s. He accepted this apology, he pulls Ren close to him and they continue to kiss; forgetting to breathe in between this mess. There was so much anger and frustration in the air but all the emotions blended together and engulfed the men. Ren pushes Hux hard up against the wall pressing his leg in between Hux’s. Using the Force he hold him there, his hands begin to trace little circles around Hux’s neck. He can feel the energy pinning him to the wall and does not fight it, he can feel Ren’s hands on his throat kissing and gently biting the soft skin. The thin clothing between them doesn’t hide anything, Ren can feel all of Hux against him. Ren stops kissing his neck and steps back to look at the wanting man pinned against the wall. 

With a smirk he taunts Hux. “I hate you sometimes Brendol.” 

“Oh really? You’re the one who kissed me just now.” he said cocking an eyebrow up at him. Hux can feel invisible hands slipping up and under his shirt moving slowly upward, they stop at his neck and start to clench around his pale throat. The energy pinning him to the wall drops and only the hands remain, cutting off just enough air. 

“You didn’t push me away.” He said as he smiles at Hux. 

As the hands lessen their grip for a moment he inhales deeply and grins at Ren. “What do you want me to say Ren? I can’t handle the idea of losing you again.” The hands tighten again as Ren moves toward him, pulling his shirt up and off and dropping it to the ground. He moves his hands to Hux’s shirt and slowly pulls it up and over his head. It lands on top of his own and Ren trailed kisses down his neck to his stomach all the while slipping Hux’s shorts off revealing the hardness from under them. Hux lets out a small moaning gasp as the force hands tighten a little more now. 

Taking Hux in his hands Rens asks “Do you forgive me General?” He asks with a small chuckle to his voice. 

Force hands releasing their grip just enough for air to rush back into his lungs he gasps out a few frail words before they come back again. “No…Not yet…”

“Of course General.” Ren speaks softly as he drops to his knees and quickly takes Hux’s hardness in his mouth, sucking hard as he pulled away, and slid back down the length. He kept his hands on Hux’s thighs, digging his nails into his skin with each bobbing motion. Hux grabs Ren by the hair and forces him to take him all at once, Ren accepts it motioning his tongue all around him. 

“Good Ren. A little more” he groans as the force hands choke him harder now, he feels like he is almost being lifted up from the ground.

Pulling on Ren’s hair he says “I’m so close.” 

Ren hums at the sound of the General’s gasping moans, sending the vibrations through Hux. With one final motion in his mouth Hux releases himself in Ren’s mouth and then Ren lets the force hands go as he slides the length out. Hux begins to breathe deeply again as he is still holding Ren’s black hair in his hand. Looking down at his kneeling lover Hux smiles and yanks him upward. 

“I will forgive for now, but I don’t want you to lose control of your emotions…unless you are with me.” He smirks at Ren and let’s go of his hair. “You better not have left marks again.”

“You know I did.” He laughs at Hux as he eyes all the bite marks and bruises on his neck. 

“Pfft. Bastard. How’s your arm?” Hux asks trying to not sound concerned for Ren.

“The bleeding stopped, I don’t think it will be a problem.” He says unwrapping the bandages. 

“Good.” He says as he walks to the bathroom to wash up and motions for Ren to join him.


	8. chapter eight

The two men step into the just barely warm shower, water falling over them both as they look at each other. Hux runs is hands through Kylo’s hair, the water slicking it back as leans in to kiss him. They move their bodies closer as they hold each other, 

Hux pulls back from this and looks Ren in the eyes. “Are you ok?” 

“I will be.” He responds, trying to avoid giving a true answer to Hux.

They continue to caress each other, Hux reaches for the bottle of soap. Lathering up the bubbles he runs his hands over Ren’s shoulders, down his back and pulls his hands back around to his chest. He makes sure he does not brush up against any of Ren’s healing wounds and Ren becomes increasingly more relaxed. Ren leans up against the shower wall and places his hand son Hux’s hips, moving them up his sides and back down. Hux gently moves his hands down Ren’s chest, down his stomach and reaches his hardness. He moves his left hand back to his hip and his begins to stroke him with his other hand. Water falling down their bodies as Ren starts to arch his back in rhythm to Hux’s motions. Ren lets out a soft moan as Hux runs his left hand up his side and motions faster. Hux leans in to kiss him again as another moan leaves his lips, pressing their lips together Ren digs his fingers into Hux’s back as he arches his back one last time coming into Hux’s hand. 

He breathes deep as Hux pulls away from him. They continue to wash up and when they finish they step out of the shower, Ren pulls a towel around him and hands one two Hux. They walk out into the cold bedroom and Hux shivers. Ren goes to his dresser and pulls out a pair of undershorts and sleep pants, he reaches for the bottom drawer and pulls out a pair of undershorts and a throws them to the shivering man across the room. 

“You need to bring a few more clothes over here, that’s the last one in here.” He says as Hux pull them on. 

“Well you won’t even be on ship for some time anyway.” Hux says with a slight tone of frustration. 

“Here.” Ren says as he tosses him one of his shirts.

Hux catches the dark grey shirt and pulls it over his head, it was such a large shirt it hung down very low. Ren smiled at the thought that Hux was so small in his shirt. 

“What are you looking at?” He snaps.

Ren laughs “You are so small.”

Hux blushes and puts his hands on his hips in an attempt to look bigger, but all it does is show even more how much the shirt hangs off of him. “I am not small.”

Ren rolls his eyes and walks over to him. “I like that you are small.”

Hux blushes and turns even redder. “Let’s just get to bed shall we?” He stomps away from and sits on the bed. 

Ren walks over to the other side of the bed, and climbs under the sheets. He reaches his hands up and pulls Hux down, he moves in closer to Ren. Facing each other, he puts his arm around Ren as the lights get shut off by a flick of Ren’s hand. They don’t speak again and just fall asleep in each other’s arms.


	9. chapter nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is very talk heavy between hux and ren <3 The force works the way I want it to because I said so :P it gets fluffly for this chapter but we will resume our normal stuff in the next chapter!

The morning comes sooner than Kylo wanted it to. They will be arriving soon at the base that he will be left at to train with his master. He turns to see the peaceful looking man asleep next to him, he lets out a small sigh and pushes the blankets away from him. Swinging his feet over the side of the bed he takes a deep breath and looks down at his bandaged arm. Ren looks at his peaceful partner and feels a sense of worry come over himself. He stands from the bed and walks over to the mirror on the door. He looks at himself in the dim light, a tense stress starts to flood into him as he looks himself over in the reflection. A small crack forms in the top of the mirror and he steps back from it to take another deep breath. He watches it run down the middle of the surface as it almost reaches the bottom. 

“R-ren?” a groggy voice calls 

He turns and walks back to the bed. “I’m here.” 

Hux turns over to follow Ren’s voice “What are you doing? Come back to bed you idiot.”

“I couldn’t sleep anymore.” Ren pulls the covers up and sits back down.

“That doesn’t mean you get to disturb my sleep Ren.” Hux puts his arm over Ren’s lap.

“Sorry Bren.” He says as he puts his arm around Hux’s shoulders.

“How long will you be off ship?” Hux asks as he yawns.

“Not sure, it could be months. It is whatever my master asks of me.” He says with some hesitation.

Hux looks up at him, he can feel Rens worry pouring out from him “Well just send me updates when you are able.”

“Hey Brendol?” he says softly

“What?” He responds pulling his head up from the pillow.

“Um… where are those beads I had?” he hesitatingly asks. 

“Oh, those are in my coat. I didn’t want to leave them in the medical bay.” he says pushing himself up. 

Ren reaches his hand out and with the Force reaches into the coats pocket pulling out the shimmery strand of beads. Pulling them to him, they clack together and land in his hand. 

“Thank you for cleaning them.” He says with a smile.  
“What are they?” Hux asks

Ren sighs. “They help me connect to the Force.” 

“Oh. Where did you get them? I have never seen them before.” Hux asks curiously.

“No one was supposed to see them. I made them when I was… before I found my master.” He says, lowering his head as he spoke. 

“Jedi trinkets huh? Well, Phasma was the one who cleaned them actually” Hux responds as he reaches out a hand to touch them. 

“She knows of them?” Ren snaps quickly

“Yes? She doesn’t know what they are except that they are a pretty necklace.” Hux says confused. 

“I guess that shouldn’t be a problem.” Ren puts the beads around his neck and closes his eyes. “I made this with Force active stones. The energy radiates in and through them making it easy to find and follow.” 

“I’m going to pretend that I know what you mean by that.” Hux scoffs as he raises an eyebrow at Ren. 

“Sit up, cross your legs and face me Brendol.” He asks, Hux does so. 

“Okay, now what?” he sighs

“Don’t move.” Ren says as he takes his beads off and hang them over Hux’s shoulders, they fall perfectly around him. The beads rest on his shoulders, half of them draped down on his chest and the other half on his back, they are cold on his skin and he can feel a small vibration coming from them. 

“I know you can feel them talking Brendol, even if you don’t realize it.” Ren takes Hux’s hands and speaks again in a soft tone. “Close your eyes and listen to them.” 

“I don’t hear anything Ren, but I do feel odd. They are giving off a weird vibration.” He whispers back.

Ren let’s go of his hand and puts them down on his own thighs “Listen.” Ren closes his eyes and reaches out to Hux through the Force, no words are sent but Hux can feel a very distinct hum coming from the beads now, they feel warm. 

“I want you to keep these Bren, wear them at all times.” He says opening his eyes to look at the very focused Hux. 

“Wait, what? Why?” he asks in a confused voice opening his eyes and meeting Ren’s.

“While I am off ship, I can reach you this way. These will amplify the energy around you and let me just send an emotion to you. With practice you can respond to me.” He says with a large grin on his face. 

“How?” he asks

“We are bonded on a deep level Brendol, even if you won’t admit it, The Force is in everything, everyone and is everywhere forever. Even at a great distance we are still linked through it.” 

“To try and send an emotion to you through this, is it the same as when I try to call your name from across the ship?” Hux asks. 

“Yes and no, just use the emotion you are feeling and want to find me and focus on it. You will find me.” He says. 

Hux leans closer to Ren placing his hands over his on Ren’s lap. “I will.” He moves closer and kisses Ren.


	10. chapter ten

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> fluff and cute

        Hux stayed in bed for a while longer this morning, he watched as Ren got dressed and felt a strong amount of stress bubbling up from the pit of his stomach. He did all he could to hide it from Ren, but to no avail.

Letting out a sigh “Hux what are you stressing about now?”

Pulling the sheets back Hux sits up “Nothing Ren.”

       Ren finishes clasping his belt and looks at Hux with a concerned look “I know you are trying all you can to hide your thoughts from me, but your emotions are bleeding through.”

Crossing his arms Hux sends a glare to Ren who picks up his cowl and tosses it on. “Well, I am going to be very busy today. We are picking up a new squad from a base nearby.”

“And leaving me here.” Ren says walking over to Hux.

“Yes.” He said trying to sound like the General he is.

          Hux swings his legs over the side of the bed and glances up at Ren who is now standing right in front of him. Ren leans down to get closer to Hux, making his cheeks flush slightly.

Speaking softly “Ren… are you going to be alright without me?”

“Yes, I will be even more powerful once I am finished.” He whispers as he runs his hands through Hux’s disheveled hair.

 Hux smiles at the thought that Ren will be even stronger than he is now, he runs a finger across the scar on Ren’s face and he pulls back from Hux. “I will find her. That is what I will do while you are gone. I will break her.”

 “Find her and you find Skywalker. That would be the greatest coming home gift.” Ren cracks a smile and kisses Hux on the forehead.

 “You will be needed on the bridge soon Hux. I will see you there.” Ren says as he turns and leaves the room.

 Pushing up from the bed Hux gathers up his belongings and dresses quickly, remembering his gloves this time. He leaves Kylo’s room and make his way to his own. Redressing now in a fresh uniform he slides on his gloves and finishes slicking his hair back before putting on his hat. He makes sure that the necklace Ren gave him is out of sight and leaves no wrinkles in his uniform before leaving for the bridge. Once on the bridge he looks around to see everything running smoothly, he takes command and checks his data pad for any updates. They are only about an hour away from the Supreme Leader’s current base, hidden in a small system surrounded by asteroids.

 “Is the Knight of Ren’s ship ready for departure?” Hux asks of lieutenant Mitaka.

 “Sir. Yes it is sir, The Knight of Ren has already inspected it himself and he is currently in the medical bay. Shall I call for him Sir?” Lieutenant Mitaka responds.

 “No. That is not necessary. If something changes please contact me I will be in my office.” Hux says as he hands Lieutenant Mitaka the data pad and leaves the bridge for his office.

 Hux reaches his office and once inside orders hot tea with a muffin and within a moment a droid delivers it at his desk just how he like sit, black with a teaspoon of fresh citrus juice. He takes off his coat, folds it and puts it down on the desk along with his gloves. Sitting down he takes a sip of the still too hot tea, burning his tongue slightly. He can feel the hum vibrating through the air now, Ren is impatient and stressed. Hux blows on his tea to try and cool it before another rushed sip. He thinks about how it will be without that constant feeling in the air around him for the next unknown amount of time to come.

 Putting his tea down on the desk he leans back and closes his eyes. He focuses on the energy in the room that is radiating from Ren. He unbuttons the top two buttons on his uniform and pulls free the necklace. Holding it in between his fingers he remembers Ren’s instructions, he follows the trail of energy out of the room and down the hall. It takes a few tries but he is able to make it all the way to find Ren sitting in the medical bay. Hux smiles and in that moment loses the connection and opens his eyes.

  Thinking to himself “ _This trinket does help.”_

He takes another sip of his tea and again inhales deeply, focusing on the thought of Ren sitting in the medical bay. _“Ren”_ Hux says in his mind, for a moment he doesn’t notice anything other than the hum from before. A few minutes of silence pass and he takes a bite of his muffin, he picks up his data pad and starts scrolling through a few things that need attention today. The door to his office opens and a broody form steps inside.

 “Yes Hux?” Ren says as the door closes behind him.

 “Ha. That was quick wasn’t it” he laughs.

 “What do you need?” Ren says tilting his head

 “ _Take it off”_ Hux says to Ren in the force.

 Hux cannot see Ren smile but he can feel it behind the mask.

 

“ _Well look who is getting the hang of silent words.”_ Ren responds as he takes his helmet off, dropping it on the corner of the desk.

“ _It’s me, do you expect less?”_ Hux smiles at Ren who is walking over to him.

 “It will almost impossible for you at first to send anything more than a brief instance of emotion to me, why don’t you try right now?” Ren says as he sits on the edge of the desk near Hux.

 Hux leans back and grasps the beads around his neck, closing his eyes he focuses on a single feeling. Warmth, he thinks about the warm feeling that he has become accustom to when Ren is in bed with him. Hux can almost feel the warmth from Ren under the blankets, inviting and calm. Hux opens his eyes to see Ren, legs crossed, sitting on the desk with his head tilted back and his eyes closed.

 Before Hux could open his mouth to speak Ren did. “Well Hux I didn’t know that’s exactly how you felt.”

 Smiling he responds with sarcasm to his voice. “You know I hate you.”

 “Yes, I can see that.” Ren laughs.

 Hux stands quickly and throws his arms around Kylo bringing their lips together for one last passionate kiss. “I will see you when you return.”

 Kylo doesn’t say another word but gently kisses Hux again and smiles as he pulls away. Hux watches him leave, the door sliding shut behind him. “ _Don’t be gone too long Ren, we have a galaxy to rule.”_


End file.
